Rhonda Robinson Rhonda Robinson is a mother of nine, and grandmother of 16, who believes the single most powerful force in America today is a vigilant mother, unafraid to nurture and protect her children. Still married to her high school sweetheart, Rhonda is a homeschooling mother by day, and a speaker, weekly newspaper columnist, and freelance writer by night (actually, really early morning before anyone is up—but it’s still dark out, so that counts.) Spanning 20 years of homeschooling and childbirth, Rhonda has gained over 572 pounds and lost 500, nursed a total of 17 years, and changed at least 29, 952 diapers, and rocked over 5,000 miles of tearful terrain. She holds a Master’s degree in laundry and speaks fluent toddler. View all articles | Contact author

QUESTION: How do you fit in one-on-one time with your children? I've been missing that lately. I used to think we didn't need it so much, but Mrs. Tripp just mentioned that in the interview with her, and I'm really feeling a need for it, too. --Phyllis

ANSWER:

Keep in mind that individual time is an ongoing quest that changes with every stage of childhood. Even now, I have to find ways to spend time with my grown children. I'm thrilled (and a little amazed) that they still need that one-on-one time with me; but then again, even mamas need their mama sometimes. Every stage of life takes a different form of mothering.

We often think that spending time is gouging out that special time out of a busy day. With the demands of motherhood, and the workload most of us carry, that seems more like a fantasy that we can't live up to. The trick is not more time, it's finding creative ways to mold the fleeting time we have.

Bring them into your world

One of my daughters is deaf. She was also a tenacious toddler (a rough combination). I knew she needed a lot of one-on-one time just to teach her the things most children pick up naturally, like speech. I also noticed that when I got busy--she got mischievous. So one day I determined to keep her constantly by my side and I made her my personal assistant.

Doing an average of 22 loads a week, sorting laundry became one of our favorite things to do together. She would tell me the color, and then we would have to decide what pile it went into. It also opened conversations about weather, summer and winter, things that matched and girl's clothes and boy's clothes. It soon became obvious that the more time we spent together, the calmer she became, and the more she wanted to please me rather than wreak havoc and torment siblings.

Be creative: look at a chore as an opportunity to pull a child aside and get them involved, rather than trying to occupy him elsewhere. Yes, it slows you down somewhat, but in the end it is well worth the extra time spent. Children love doing the things only you get to do.   

Build memories

Early one morning I woke up my oldest daughter while everyone else was still sleeping. I brought the heavy-eyed little girl into the kitchen, stood her on a chair and wrapped an apron around her. "Were going to make brownies" I whispered in her ear. Her sleepy eyes popped wide open; we poured, mixed and baked. When it was time for breakfast we worked that right in, she moved from baking to a sink overfilled with bubbles and began to "clean up." I only remember doing that once or twice. But to this day, she refers to that childhood memory as our "brownie mornings" as if it were a regular part of her upbringing.  

Naptimes can be a wonderful one-on-one time. Some children really need naps. One of our boys was just such a child. If he didn't get a nap by 2 o'clock, by 5 o'clock he had a complete meltdown. Each day I would lay down with him and tell him stories. I would make up these wild adventures with him being the hero. The plot was always the same. The hero was off on an adventure, walking in the woods, climbing a mountain, riding a two-wheeler. Then he had to make a choice, and then I would say, "And Tommy always (fill in the blank--obeys his Daddy, picks up his toys, shares with his brother…)." Each day he would fall asleep believing he was the hero who always chooses to do the right thing.

As the children get older it becomes harder because their busy schedule comes into play. Before you know it the only time you have with them you've spent reminding them to do something. Here is when you need to balance their time, and remember that they do need that one-on-one time with you even though they might not be asking for it right now. Not all activities are necessary for a happy childhood. Don't be afraid to limit activities.

Find a hobby- crafting, sewing, gardening, building- anything that sparks an interest in you both and do it together. Starting a small business together is always a great way to find one-on-one time with the middle-school aged children.

Beware of time thieves- they are everywhere. A loud radio (especially talk radio) or talking on a cell in the car will rob you of one-on-one conversation time. A quick errand together with a secret side trip through a drive up for ice cream is great. Watch your "escape" time. Time spent on the computer reading email can add up fast, and rob you of that precious one-on-one time with your children.

Remember, investing time in our children now yields priceless moments and memories the will last a lifetime.

WHAT WILL NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION BE???

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