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 momofsix
I am a homeschool mom with six children.
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Well, ladies, I am going to be brave and bold tonight. I want to touch on a subject that is near my heart. I believe that in protecting our marriage we need to protect our relationships with our husbands. This means respecting, loving, and serving as unto the Lord. I know a lot of you agree with that. However, I want to go a little further than that tonight. I believe that we need to protect the marriage bed. Thus, I want to tackle the hot topic of sex.
Why talk about such a hot topic? I think sex is like a thermometer in a marriage. I think if there are any problems in a marriage, it makes it difficult to enjoy sex. I think that sex is an indicator of whether we have any deep underlying problems (it is not always the case, but I find it is often the case). In fact, 80 percent of all divorces are initiated by women who say that their needs aren't being met (local tv news source).
Now, as Christians, I believe we don't compare ourselves to women in the world. We continue in our marriages even when our needs aren't met. However, I have met a lot of Christian women who have admitted to dying emotionally in their marriages. They have told me that they no longer respond to their husbands sexually and emotionally. I have witnessed a lot of troubled marriages that are ending in divorce, or are near divorce because of this. One dear friend's husband was frustrated with his wife's emotionally dead state and threatened divorce. Another friend's husband left her and the children (yes, a Christian marriage). This friend said that she had completely emotionally died in her marriage, becoming unresponsive to her husband.
Now, I believe that the problem can be a result of the man or woman, or both. However, I personally know that all of these had the same common denominator: the wives hated sex. One friend admitted to pretending to like it, and after fifteen years of marriage confided to me that she hopes her husband hasn't figured it out. I have only one or two friends that are Christian and like sex. The rest are under a feeling of "duty" and hate it. I speak of this topic because I feel that there are few to none in the church that discuss it. Now, I don't fault just the wives, nor just the husbands. There are a number of underlying issues in all these stories. However, I have found that it is very helpful in a marriage if you can get to the root of a problem. I also have found that if you protect the marriage bed, it really makes for a healthier marriage.
Now before I give some helpful sources, I must warn you that there are very few good sources that I have found in the church, other than telling husbands to take out the trash and your wife will enjoy you in the bedroom. I have found a number of sources that go deeper than this that I think will help you. (As a note, I support the belief that we are to serve one another, denying ourselves as Christ did, etc. I say this to tell you I am not desiring to be like the world. However, it is a bit odd that in other cultures, whether Indian or Jewish, the parents much better equip the premarital young people, and engaged couples, with books and materials on sex.)
So, I will give you my favorite sources.
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An ebook which I highly recommend (special sale going on now), Christian: Sexual Skill For Every Christian Husband (finally, a book written by a man on meeting the sexual needs of a woman and the big O-technical ebook-written in a man to man style).
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www.lovingyou.com has been helpful in keeping the love alive and fresh with ideas that are creative and inexpensive for date nights, romancing, etc. (a website that is great, but not Christian - be careful).
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Also, I highly recommend the www.familylife.com (awesome Christian marriage seminars-great help for healthy or unhealthy marriages).
Anyway, these are great resources. I can't recommend the Sexual Skills book enough. That website is http://www.christian-sex.net/. Some of you might be able to add some sources that you have found helpful. Perhaps, you have a few of your favorite resources you can add to help those who are struggling while they read this.
In short, I think a lot of women become emotionally dead, and unresponsive to their husbands because of a number of different reasons (selfishness always seems to be at the root-whether the fault of the man, woman, or both). However, as woman and mothers, I think we need to protect our marriages by protecting our relationships with our hubbies (and the marriage bed). I think we wives can best protect the marriage bed by praying, and finding sources that help to remedy marital problems. Don't ignore the thermostat (sex in marriage). If you hate sex, please find out why. Don't allow yourself to die in your relationships. Use sources to get help. Pray and ask God to help you get to the root of the problem in your marriages. Let's protect our families by protecting our marriages. I hope that exposing this hot topic helps someone out there.
God bless you all!! |
...Tedd Tripp speaks on parenting...
Comments and Discussion Wall
Posted by Suzy on June 11, 2009
