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Published : May 20, 2009 |
Author : Fulltime Mama
Category : O. Marriage | Total Views
: 288 | Rating :  
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 Fulltime Mama
My name is Elizabeth, and I am the happy wife of ten years to Fabio and fulltime mama to four beautiful children: Joshua-9, Dominique 7, Israel- almost 5, Johann-3 and expecting a new baby in April 2012! We are currently living in Brazil as missionaries and life never ceases to be an adventure!!!
I love motherhood with a passion and am passionate about providing a place here at MamaKnowsBest where mothers can learn, grow, and share ... pooling the wisdom of many into one big jackpot for mothers.
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This bit below was not written by me, but by a friend of mine. I am posting it with permission, because I found it really helpful to me personally. My husband is from a different country to my own, but even if you and your husband are from the same national origin, I believe you can glean from the wisdom here in learning how to understand and treat your husband. Be blessed!
It is my firm belief that one cannot overstate the impact of a person's culture and upbringing on:
how they talk
what they mean by the words they use
body language
overt actions
responses to what others do and say
There
is no Christian culture apart from the larger ethnic and local culture
in which each of us has grown up. And in addition to our ethnic,
national, and regional culture, we have have a separate microcosm of
family culture as well.
A Korean laughing, and American
laughing-- a Northerner and a Southerner laughing even-- and a Brit
laughing; all can mean, and generally do mean, totally different
things. Opposite, at times.
I know that you have experienced
this already in your marriage, and you I am sure have thought about it
and learned about it and so forth. I encourage you to look even deeper
and see if there is more you can glean. A cold should, or what feels
like a cold shoulder to you, may very well have some
intent/meaning/expression that if you knew more about, could be dealt
with better/differently, than what you currently know to do.
My
suggestion would be to talk with your husband, to observe him with yourself and with
others, to observe the men and the women in his culture and his family,
read books, find some sociologist or anthropologist, lol, who has
written about your husband's culture from the viewpoint of your own, and see
what you learn.
Christians should treat each other with love. For
19 years this meant that when my husband was upset with me, he shut up. In
his culture and family, if you talk when you are mad you YELL MESS at
each other. I did not know that. I thought he was a nasty childish brute
for giving me the "silent treatment". He was not giving me the silent
treatment. He was using whatever means necessary to avoid hurting me
with his tongue. It took me 19 years to understand that, and 19 yrs. for
him to logically look at what he was doing and realize it was not
working (well, anyway) for us. He was treating me with Christian love,
all the same.
We are obviously slow learners. The point is, there's a lot to learn. We don't even know what we don't know. |
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