During the time of our courtship, over 19 years ago, my husband Larry and I shared our dreams of adopting one day. We were inspired to adopt by our mission trips to Haiti, Dominican Republic, and Mexico. They planted just the right seeds- at just the right time. Together, we became determined and hopeful to adopt internationally one day.

Time passed quickly and we were blessed with our own biological children.  My husband and I considered our options. We began to pray as a family for wisdom and God's provision for an adoption without any debt. We did this daily for months. Soon after, God closed the door of adoption for us but opened my womb to receive another beautiful baby! We were expecting our first daughter, Naomi Grace, who was born in August of 2000. By this time, the thought of adoption became fainter in my husbands mind. We were so blessed with 4 healthy children, life was busier, and he became more content. My heart did not stop aching though for the child we had dreamed of adopting one day.

We were called back into full time ministry in 2001. With full-time financial support needing to be raised, Larry became "silent" about our adoption dream. We became pregnant with our second daughter Jostlin and our joy soon developed into concern as I began to have a struggling pregnancy. Larry became weighed down with concerns over the idea of having more children after Jostlin's birth.   I couldn't fully understand.  Some time passed and I felt the need to ask him to pray with me about our once shared dream of adoption. My heart felt heavy, longing for a final answer of affirmation on the subject. The day arrived and to my shock- Larry said, "No".   Feeling content with 5 children, he honestly didn't share my desire to adopt any longer.  I remember the pain and anguish I felt as those words reached my ears.  I committed not to try and change his mind but remained devoted to praying for a miracle...

I often dreamed of nursing an adoptive baby and even spoke to a high school friend that had done it twice. This kind of dream would take a domestic adoption to occur though. We considered this option, prayed, and did the research. One Christian agency we spoke with said, "They had never had a family with 5 children even inquire about adopting before!" Would a birth mother consider choosing our family for her child? This was a question that entered my mind. I was even drawn to *Bethany Christian Service's- "Embryo Adoption" program. This option allows infertile couples to adopt unused frozen embryos. They are first donated by a birth family after going through In Vitro Fertilization treatment, then frozen in family groups for adoption.This option continued to burden my heart even though our 'adoption fund' barely grew.

The idea of 'fostering to adopt' surfaced through friends and family beginning the process for themselves. I quickly dismissed the idea though. I had so many "good" reasons- or fears! Even after home schooling for over 10 years at the time, the *Department of Child Services was always talked about in a negative way- and I feared the unknown greatly. "We might not have enough space, we would have to think about our kids, their health, and the risks to our family", and the list went on. In the meantime, God surrounded me with those few very special, Godly families that were fostering or fostering to adopt. I came to realize that they were living out the mission that Jesus spoke about in James 1:27, " Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It was then that we became more open. We made arrangements to attended an inquiry meeting in 2006 on the foster program in Lake County, Indiana.   Observing and speaking with so many different people, we felt affirmation about our need to move foreword. A background check was completed, and we began our classes.   As we sat there among different people, with different situations, backgrounds, and reasons for fostering- our eyes were opened to the needs of the "forgotten" children that Jesus has called His people to reach out to, love, and care for. In one class, our trainer boldly said, "There is no hope for these children." The lie startled me, inside my head I began shouting, "Of course there is hope for them!  I am where I am because of my grace filled God, who chose to do the "impossible" in my life!"  The scripture, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."- found in John 14:18- was printed on my folder as a reminder of my time as an 'orphan'- the time when I was without Christ. It also reminded me that there was a child waiting for us to rescue... I became more aware at each class that this was EXACTLY where Christ wanted us to be and adopt from. This was the 'down in the trenches' kind of love and ministry God clearly wanted us to be a part of.

As our family prayed together, our children's anticipation grew! We waited 12 months for our licensing to take place. During the unprecedented wait, I felt led to utilize my time to work on a few books I was being lead to write. I also planted a garden, worked on losing weight, prayed fervently for the birth mother, and our future child. Where some might have grown weary, angry, or given up- we continued to press on in hope and confidence that this was God's will for us. His timing was going to continue to be perfect even if it wasn't in our timing! Due to the delay, we faced a decision to either move forward with the county or go with a different agency. Larry chose to get involved with the calls to the licensing agency and the supervisors took notice.  Things began to move along.  God's light shown brightly to the licensing caseworker that entered our home. We were amazed when he said, "Before the ink is dry on this, we might have a placement." At the point of filling out the paperwork, we decided to open our hearts to a girl or boy of any race. We were licensed on Dec. 15^th , 2008 and we were called about a 9 month old baby boy on Dec.18^th, 2008! My heart pounded as I saw the words, "Government Office" on my caller I.D. As I listened about this child's background and asked my list of questions, I felt the instincts well up inside of me to rescue this baby boy! My heart began to "stretch" and I felt its physical pains with each passing day and week.

Our first visit with Nathan was surreal; I could not believe we were there with him, touching him, holding him, rocking him. He was quiet and curious, just beginning to crawl and pull himself up. As the 8 weeks passed, our visits to the group home continued. He was sickly often and labeled "fragile" by his nurse. We later found out about health issues than we had not originally been informed about- but by then, we were in love. God in His gracious enabling helped us step by step to come out of our comfort zones and GROW through the challenges we faced. We celebrated Nathan's placement around his 1^st birthday with lots of family, friends, and red balloons! We enjoyed watching so many "firsts" with him and took each new experience with him as a gift from God. I prayed for wisdom daily and for his bonding to us. A consistent routine offered him stability and peace, carrying him in a front carrier allowed him to grow closer to me and hear my heart, and illnesses provided opportunities for him to feel our comfort and love. Our children bonded with him right away and have continued to grow in compassion, patience, mercy, generosity, and love.